all i want to do is go through the streets, winding through that sleepy little town, pass the places we used to be. i want to go back to our house with the apple tree and the garden. the stairs and your shoes and your cars. and i want to go there and walk and wander, lost in my pain and in your memories. and i want to see your fleeting image, sometimes in red, and then in all the colors you used to wear. i want to feel the pain deep in my stomach, from my heart. i want to feel the pressure on my lungs as they tighten and i can’t breath and my face is warped into a silent scream, mouth open, eyes full of tears, hands in fists. i bite my lip so hard, i bleed. the taste of blood makes me feel nauseous, i double over, i hit the ground and palms are bleeding too now. i get up and i walk away. into the horrors of the town. at every crossing, every moment of the way i can see you and me. and i cry and i cry for you and your lost life. and then i look up, and i see a bird soar up high. and look back down and i see a lady bug sitting on a dandelion and i know you are there and i feel like everything will be alright.